Spicey: The Improbable Rise of an Inadequate Man

Sean Michael Spicer was born at the North Shore Hospital in Manhasset, New York on September 23rd, 1971.  The air was cool and dry that day, much like Spicer’s personality. He was raised in Rhode Island (it’s not big enough to bother with exactly where. But if you really want to know, the answer is East Bay, wherever that is). His father was an insurance agent (which kind of makes sense, if you think about it), and his mother headed up the East Asian Studies Department at a local university (which makes exactly no sense, if you think about it).

Spicer spent high school at the Portsmouth Abbey School, a Rhode Island boarding school associated with the Roman Catholic faith. It was here that Spicer learned the all-important lessons that bullies often win, and that even if it only takes an hour to drive the entire length of your state, your parents can still send you to boarding school. Down the street. Apparently.  These lessons would shape the rest of then-young Sean’s life.

Sean’s career in elected office began and ended as a student senator at Connecticut College, from which he graduated in 1993 with a degree in government. Foreshadowing Sean’s future relations with the press, the student paper, the College Voice, was not kind to Spicer. Perhaps understandably, the paper referred to him as “Sean Sphincter” (this biographer does not actually know why. This biographer does not really need to know why. This biographer kind of knows why just by looking at him). In any case, Spicey got kind of upset, because, you know, sticks and stones will break his bones and words will also cut-him-deeply-and-make-him-file-compliants-against-your-paper-and-try-to-get-the-school-to-ban-it-which-will-only-make-the-public-roasting-worse. Another college paper, named Blats, promptly joined in.

At 41, Spicer obtained a masters degree from the Naval War College in national security and strategic studies. There are no known records of the school paper for that college ever calling him Sean Sphincter. Though if anyone has such records, please provide them to my publisher ASAP, I would really get a kick out of them.

After college, Spicer worked for a string of plump, white, congressmen, none of whom remain in office today.

Several short-term positions with congressional committees followed, after which Spicer joined George W Bush’s administration as an Assistant Easter Bunny (#Spiceyisafurry).

Fun fact: I didn’t entirely make that last part up. Sean Spicer actually wore the Easter bunny suit during the 2008 White House egg-roll. I can prove it. There are pictures. No amount of other prominent White House staffers having done the same can make this less funny.

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  134. Hello! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when viewing from my iphone4. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to fix this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. Cheers!

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  153. Hey! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

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  161. Hello! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Appreciate it

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  169. Hi would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m having a difficult time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to ask!

  170. Hey there! I realize this is kind of off-topic however I needed to ask. Does managing a well-established website such as yours require a massive amount work? I am completely new to running a blog however I do write in my journal on a daily basis. I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to share my personal experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any ideas or tips for brand new aspiring blog owners. Thankyou!

  171. Hello! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My blog discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog by the way!

  172. Hi there just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  173. Wonderful blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you advise starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m totally overwhelmed .. Any suggestions? Thank you!

  174. Hey there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

  175. I’m really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility issues? A small number of my blog audience have complained about my site not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Chrome. Do you have any ideas to help fix this issue?

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  179. Hey there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

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  182. Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My website discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

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