Frankly Funny

Trying economic times can raise anxiety levels. I’ve been told that the practice of meditation is particularly helpful during times like these. Meditation has been known to reduce the effects of all types of stress. That’s why, this morning, I thought I’d sit down in the comfort of my reading room, surrounded by magazine litter, disorganized books and other clutter, and become One with The Universe.

Who ever knew birds could be so loud? They wouldn’t stop chirping so I could hear that Still Small Voice within. So I started chanting, silently, to distract myself from the shrill singing and the percussion of pounding hammers. (Someone is building a home two blocks away from my house.)

I am grateful for this day. I give thanks for all that I’ve received. I ask only that You guide me in the direction of my highest good.

Chee-ee-urp! Chee-ee-urp! Chee-ee-urp-urp-urp.

Whack, whack, whack!

Okay. This isn’t working.

Wait a minute. What did Elkhart Tolle say in his book, The Power of Now? Or was it A New Earth? You know, about the intervals between thoughts? Oh, yeah. I’m supposed to try and extend the time between my thoughts so that the intervals become longer and longer.

I will think no thoughts.

(A second passes.)

But isn’t “I will think no thoughts” a thought? Oh, great. I’ve already botched it.

Okay. Seriously. That’s it. No more thoughts. Not a single one.

(Moments pass.)

I did it! I didn’t think a single thing for, what? At least several seconds. Uh-huh, but now here I am THINKING about how long I’ve managed to not think! I’ve probably negated the benefits of whatever minor accomplishments I’ve made.

This is insane.

Try again.

I entertain nothing but the quietness within me.

You ninny! That was a thought!

Start over.

“Start over” was a thought!

Stop, already! Quit thinking! Let it go-o-o. Just be.

(Suddenly, all time and external stimuli ceased.)

And then I woke up.

Did that count?